Fridgeezoo Animals

We've got this little fella in our fridge (he's a Fridgeezoo Fridge Pet - get 'em at firebox). When the light comes on, he says stuff like "hello" and "shut the door". I did wonder if we'd find him irritating, but actually, he's really quite cute. He just chats away when the door's open, and goes quiet when you close the door again. He's sort of like a kitchen pal that's keeping an eye on things while you're not there :-)

My Journey with Ocaml

I've had some brief dealing with Ocaml, whilst working at Jane Street. They're a big Ocaml shop, and quite possibly one of the only places in the world you can get paid to write ML code.

I should point out that this article is only my opinion, and I'm not even a "real" programmer. I don't really write production code, and I'm certainly not an expert on the general field of programming or on programming languages. I know these sort of conversations spark quite a lot of partisan emotions, so beware ;-)

My first impressions of Ocaml were that "it's a bit weird, but you can make it do what you want". For newbies, you have to get used to using a lot of recursion (something Ocaml does really efficiently), and that it's strongly typed, so an "int" can't magically become a "string" - ever, and in fact, most "variables" in Ocaml are actually immutable, so not variable at all. I figured I'd get used to it, like I had with a raft of other languages, and that pretty soon I'd be knocking out little tools and gadgets to make daily life a little easier. Certainly, I did write a few things in Ocaml, both from scratch and by adding to other people's code. However, I wasn't nearly as prolific as I wanted to be.

The first thing anyone ever says when you say you can't program in a language is "you don't know the language well enough". This is definitely true of me with Ocaml. In fact, I don't think I'll ever know Ocaml "well enough", even if I had stayed in an environment that uses it. My problem is that I'm just not a brilliant programmer - at best, I'm "mid range". Even in my most used, and most familiar language (Perl), I'm at best a mid-range programmer. Sure, I can make Perl do just about anything, but there are people who can do the same thing faster, smaller, neater or whatever than I can.

So why is Ocaml any different, if it's just a different language? Well, firstly I'd have to say that it's pretty esoteric. I'll challenge anyone to write some Ocaml that a reasonably proficient programmer could understand if they'd never seen any of it before. In terms of readability, I'm going to put it right up there with Assembly Language. However, unlike Assembly Language, a few characters (yes - characters, not lines) of Ocaml can do amazing things. That's part of it's appeal to those that love it, but when it comes to learning it, that makes it hard. Really hard.

Ultimately my problem with Ocaml is that because I'm only "mid range", and never spend all day, every day working with code, I have to re-learn any language (at least to some degree) every time I use it. Thus, if I work at it a lot, I become "proficient", maybe "expert" even for a time, but a month later I'm back down to "mid-range" and have to learn it all over again. That learning time in Ocaml is long, so unless I really get time to concentrate on it, I'm never really proficient.

This all matters because I look at a given problem and think things like "that looks like a couple of days work to knock up a program to solve that problem" (I'm not talking about production code - just enough of a prototype to have something working). I come up with those time estimates because of years of experience of programming and working with other programmers. Thus, I've "costed" a given problem at "a couple of days".

When I actually tried to write these "couple of days" jobs, it took me such an inordinate amount of time that quite honestly, I got bored. The idea was great when it was a couple of days work. Even spinning that up to a week, or a fortnight for learning time, it was still a reasonably good idea. However, after a month, or two months, it really wasn't a great idea at all. That meant most of my ideas weren't really that good, which made me feel like I wasn't able to do as much good stuff as I would have liked.

Looking at the "real" programmers around me, I could see they were able to knock out little tools and toys in a few hours or a day. That means it's definitely possible with Ocaml, and it really is just a difference in skills between them and myself.

Ultimately, I've come to the conclusion that Ocaml is a great language for making you think about what you're doing, how you're doing it and what's the best way to do what you're doing. For "production code" that's actually a very good thing. After all, you need to know the domain very well, so being forced to think about all the details of implementation is a really good thing. It makes the development cycle longer perhaps, but I'll bet that Jane Street's production code has less bugs in it per unit volume that the average Java (or Perl) program - even before any code review or testing cycles. That's got to be a good thing, right?

My gripe with Ocaml is I found it really hard to do less than perfect stuff. As a mid-range programmer, I don't really care about the intricate details of polymorphic variants or overloading versus overriding or whatever. I just want some code that "sorta works". For that, you actually want a "crappy" language like Perl (although feel free to 'upgrade' to Java or something). You don't want to spend time thinking about the intricacies of the language or the best algorithm to manipulate some data - you just want to get a job done, and actually, bugs aren't that important.

So my journey into Ocaml is (pretty much) over. It's been fun, and I've learned a lot, but it's not for me.

A New Saddle Made My Bike Go Faster

I bought a new saddle for my bike (a Dahon Espresso, but with a saddle off my old Trek 950). Anyway, I bought a Bioflex Ozone - it's spongy and padded and it's got the magic groove that, er, keeps one's gentlemen's area comfy (very useful on pot-hole riddled London streets).

Anyway, for some unexplained reason, I seem to be riding a chunk faster than before. Who'd have thought, eh...?

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Mrs. Cat asked me "have you forgotten about coofercat.com?". Well, rest assured, Cat fans, I haven't. My lack of blogging is really just a symptom of too much other stuff going on. I've got a few things coming down the pike soon, so stay tuned - more coming soon :-)

PlusNet Broadband (good riddance, TalkTalk 'business')

The Cat switched to a new broadband supplier: Plusnet (supposedly, "good, honest broadband from Yorkshire"). So far, the switch over was completely painless, and they've managed to do what BT, Freedom2surf, Opal and TalkTalk couldn't do: get over 10Mbps to my house (Plusnet seems to be tuning in at 14.5Mbps, although the upstream is at 476Kbps, whereas it used to be up at about 800).

I can't tell you how much I'm glad to be rid of TalkTalk 'business' (a bit of history). They're useless. They did ask me to answer some consumer questions, which I did. When asked about their service, I said "they went to great pains to assure me I'd continue to get 'business class' service, but throughout I've been flying Ryanair". They have said they're going to waive the early termination fee - I'm just waiting for them to 'forget' that sometime soon.

Actually, I'll give Bethere a "shame on you" mention too. They can't transfer anyone to their service unless they're with BT or the Postoffice. That's the reason I'm with Plusnet. Sorry Bethere - you're generally considered the best provider, but you won't let me be your customer.

Anglo-EU Translation Guide

This translation guide seems to be doing the rounds. I've tried to follow the links back to the source, and this is the best I can find, although I suspect he's not the author.

Anyway, if I may suggest, it might help understand us Brits a little better ;-)

Fortnum & Mason's Ice Cream Parlour

Yesterday I went to Fortnum and Mason's Ice Cream Parlour. It's really quite an experience, and apart from us, was unexpectedly devoid of children. We had a bit of an ice cream starter, some savoury food and then of course gorged on some beautiful sundaes. The ice creams they have really are very special.

I think the last time I went to F&M was when I was a kid. I'd forgotten what an amazing shop it is (a stunning interior with some uniquely traditional British touches), and with the addition of the ice cream parlour, I'm pleased to say that it's arrived on my "list of stuff" to tell tourists to do in London. Whilst it's not cheap (say £25/head), it's an experience I'd like to have again.

Surrey is Boring

According to the Lonely Planet guide to the UK, Surrey is boring (reported in the Telegraph, although the Orange Travel Blog got there first). Having grown up in Guildford, I have to agree to some extent. Surrey is picturesque, it's accessible, it's safe, it's comfortable, it's convenient, it's (reasonly) well managed, but none of that make it exciting.

I do wonder what an exciting county looks like, but I can agree that Surrey isn't it. Generally what I hear about Guildford is "it's good for shopping" - a nice enough mantle, but not exactly resounding. If you ever hear about Surrey heartlands in the news, it's usually introduced as "Leafy Surrey", as if nothing happens in Surrey except the sound of the leaves growing on the trees.

Brixton Pound Sauce


Brixton Pound Sauce is a brown sauce made from ingredients bought on Brixton Market. It's got just enough zing to excite and plenty of flavour to enhance your chips, bacon sandwich or sausage and mash (and it's far tastier than HP).

It's sold by Cornercopia in the market. I think once upon a time you could only buy it using Brixton Pounds, although these days, you can buy it with Sterling, although it'll cost you 50p more than the B£3 local equivalent.

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